wow.

Such a long time has passed since my last post..

I’m definitely still in recovery, but I am so so much better than last year. few relapses, and i’m happier than ever. Dating Brady, who is very supportive and has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met!

I have been exercising daily and I got a dog! She is my best friend :) Coming home to her so happy literally makes my day each and every day ! I love her.

My grandfather passed away on January 9th, and we had his memorial service in Arizona. He served in World War II so they has a military service, it was very eye opening and amazing. HE was a member of the 82nd Airborne and fought in the Battle of the Bulge. HE went through the Great Depression and came out of it with money in stocks and having a lot of money saved up with 4 healthy daughters.

I can only hope that I do the same. I understand I will never go through what he had to endure, but I know my parents taught me well. I have been saving up all my paychecks from work for something fun for me (not sure what it will be yet).

I also applied to Teach For America so son I will hear back and see if I got an interview :)

Overall I’m doing very well and eating is going better than ever. Living in my own apartment really makes a difference. I get to choose what goes into the apartment and I am a very selective shopper. With the new app ‘ziplist’ I am able to make grocery lists for specific recipes so I have been cooking more than normal, but it’s so fun!

I miss blogging.. so here’s my start to get back into it!

 

xoxo.

It’s been a while. :)

Hello Hello.

So I literally had the best weekend/2 days of this whole year (so far.) I spent it with Quinn. Left Athens around 2pm on Saturday (MLK weekend) and got to Atlanta. We were both all smiles, like we were on top of the world. SO FUN.

The thing is… I’m trying to win him back.. With the real me. Erase the stupid eating disorder, and the anxiety and the perfectionist stuff.. and there is the real me. It’s just beginning to peek out and it’s so much fun.

We hung out at his apartment and just giggled, talked, learned, thought, he played guitar, I helped cook dinner, then we went to Phi Delt! Like it couldn’t get any better than how it was..

Now i’m at home because I headed out around 3pm today… I started to get a little bit pouty when I had to leave, but I guess that’s just normal-but i’ll get used to it again, being away from your best friend just sucks.

But I don’t want to push him into anything that he doesn’t know if he wants to do. I’m going to give him all the space he needs, and if he still pushes me away then I guess I understand and I’m going to have to move on, but gosh… It just felt SO right this weekend.

I get his position where he is extremely nervous and scared to commit to me again since i messed up SO bad last time we dated. I messed up the best thing that has ever happened to me and this is why I want to show him that I’m a different person and we deserve each other.

I stopped drinking excessively, and am able to just enjoy the real me. I’m so much happier than I used to be, and I know I wont feel this way forever, but for now it feels like i’m on top of the world. My life is not defined by anything, it’s only me here now.. and i’m loving it.

I’m learning so much and how to take each day minute by minute… Like tomorrow is 1,000 years away. To just laugh over silly things, to not be a perfectionist… Many other things!

So i’m just rambling now, but man it feels so good. I’m at home and I swear when I first got here i just wouldn’t shut up! I talked and talked, I was feeling just so good :)

Xoxo.

Fresh Beginning

My life. Is such a mess.

Sometimes I just get this feeling that there is nobody in the world that has the same kind of feelings that I do…

This guy who I’ve known since 11th grade, who I dated from Senior year until this past January, is going to be officially out of my life. We tried the friends after relationship thing and all we’ve had are car crashes.. Basically he’s been using me and I didn’t open my eyes until we’re both in our same hometown when he only chooses to see me when it’s “convenient” for him.

News Flash. I deserve better than someone who wants convenience, even in a friend. If I feel this deep hate towards him then obviously he’s just not a good person to be in my life. I told my best friend and she supports me, now I just have to stick with my gut Feeling and STOP.

I don’t need a guy. I’m a beautiful, spontaneous, amazing woman. To have someone who cripples that is simply exhausting. I’m ready to start my life, just me, no eating disorder, no stupid boys, just me, just me.

So here I am. Here I am saying that I am going to change. I am going to focus my attention inward and work on myself and my relationship with God. I know that I can do anything if I find my strength through him, so I’m committing to a new me.

Here’s to a new year, a new me, my attention focused only on the positive, my life by living in the present and choosing the healthy options.

Rawr

And here I blog again. Today was hard with urges but I did it, again. I sort of miss it… But I don’t miss the baggage obviously. So I’m trying to fill my time with other things. I studied a lot of chemistry tonight and played cards with my mom. That was nice because I enjoy both! I’m reading right now under the covers :) the pi yo class was so good today, I’m sore! Hopefully going to a cycling class at 8:30 tomorrow! But the hard part today was just that I guess I miss eating “too” much, it’s a lot of work to control your portions even if you do want more.. But I survived, yet again! I’ve been snacking a lot and drinking a lot of coffee and tea just to fill my mouth, but I think that will subside… I need to continue going to my groups… I also may start to work the 12 step, but that seems like a large commitment. Well just see! Night :)

Humph

Well I wa in Atlanta yesterday and decided to come home instead of back to school. Home has been pretty chill, helped mom make dinner, made popcorn, watched what dreams may come, and snoozed. It’s just all so weird to be switching places so much and trying to adjust to them like your normal schedule, eh. But tomorrow I’m heading back to school so I can make it to my groups with Ann. Then Wednesday is my chemistry test at 7:30p. Quinn’s birthday is Friday so is love to do something special for him on maybe Thursday since ill pass by him on my way home. :) hope he’s not reading this! I’ve got some good ideas for presents so it should be fun! He’s been studying a lot I hope he does well on his finals! I’m headed to the dentist today then to get my one month subscription to the YMCA. Wahoo

Hearty

Had a hearty dinner, was feeling full after but soon realized the feeling goes away. It was so much fun having dinner with Quinn. We went to Rocky Mountain pizza and got pizza an wings and a salad! All very yummy. Now I have the munchies just because I’m a little bored I think. But about to go to sleep! Today was another success :) just a little stressful because I’m having urges but not feeding them, healthy but frustrating! Ta ta!

Hola! Lovely Weekend

Hi :) so I’m in Midtown just reading my book. I’ve had a great weekend so far. Yesterday I had my therapist appointment with Ann and it felt really good to talk Bout everything I ha been thinking about! I did well with eating Friday night and today so far! It’s getting about lunch time so I’m a little anxious, but I know I can do it! It’s worth it. Why? Well so I can have a fun Xmas break, so I can go to rome and have a gym membership, so I can go to Pilates and spin classes! So I can meet new people, maybe even shadow a plastic surgeon or my old orthodontist! So many fun things to so instead of acting out through my Ed. :)
Well here’s to a fun weekend! And reading an awesome book. Econ went well I believe! Ill get the grade back on Monday, almost finished! Last exam is chemistry on Wednesday night and I hav e a review session tomorrow at noon with my tutoring place! Yayy wish me luck!